Life as a Mom With Bi-polar Depression

This is me and my kiddo. I look pretty normal for the most part, right? Ok, don’t answer that. Would you know looking at me that I have bi-polar depression? Probably not.

I might seem like I have a TON of energy and enthusiasm one day. And I do. Those are the times when I’m going through a manic episode. You have no idea how much cleaning I get done on those days. Since I freelance, I also get a lot of work done on my manic days.

And then I have my down days. Those are the times you won’t see me on social media. If I have someplace to go that day, I more often than not find a way to cancel or reschedule. It’s hard for me to be around a lot of people on those down days and it feels like my mind is going to go insane.

Example: I had to run to Target a few days before Christmas for some last minute shopping items. There were SO many people there that I went in a dressing room just to get away from everyone and cried for 45 minutes straight. Yeah.

Why? I take medication for a chemical imbalance in my brain and when something triggers it, like being around a lot of people, it can be really hard to control my reactions. My palms get sweaty, my heart starts racing, my mind starts going crazy, and I can’t control my emotions. It’s truly one of the most awful feelings in the entire world.

So one might ask the question, how in the world do you parent your child when you have all of that going on? Let me tell you.

On those days when I don’t want to leave the house, there’s nothing I love better than having a movie night, or building a fort to read books in with my little. Not to mention, all of the ‘I love yous’ are insanely uplifting. Nobody gives me better hugs than Cayden. When I make breakfast, he tells me that I make the best pancakes in the entire world.

On the up days, I have boundless energy. We go to the park, we volunteer, we go for bike rides, etc. Cayden knows that this is something I struggle with and when I’m having a swing, I sit him down and talk to him about what is happening. I’ve never met a more understanding little person.

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